The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
