Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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