Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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