My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
