Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
