Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
