8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize