Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We got so high we made milksteak
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
