8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
