Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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