I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
