stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
