Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
