you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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