So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
