Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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