i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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