Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
