And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
