you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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