very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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