how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
