its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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