Where did you get a picture of my penis
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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