I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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