No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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