Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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