I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
