At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
