if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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