I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i wish my penis had a tongue
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Damn victory sex feels great
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
