Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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