Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
