i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
