fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
