Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
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