No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
