Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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