Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
