Plan B is the new Plan A
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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