If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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