I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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