why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
