She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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