You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
