So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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