if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
So vagazzling was a success
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
