Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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