there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
