The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
