If i come over, it means nothing
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
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i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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