dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
