I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
