I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
