what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
